crowd...

My nanna always spoke about something which she referred to as ‘kirindi’, which loosely translated simply means a crowd. Every time I said something about having done something because so and so had advised me to do the same, she looked slightly disappointed and referred to the said ‘kirindi’ which according to her would never be satisfied. The actual words she used were that the same crowd that had laid out palms, and the very clothes off their backs in worship of Jesus Christ was the self same that bayed for his blood the following week. Now, of course to me it was all a bunch of hoo hah about nothing very much, and what would she know, she was the one that had flicked the switch at the command ‘let there be light!’ so old was she in my young and innocent eyes. I wondered how she had felt having outlived the flood and lived to tell the tale, and were it not for sheer lack of spine, I might even have sought a first hand account of the rain falling against the ark, except she scared me that little bit too much for me to ask. As a result of this view, I never paid much attention to what Nanna had to say about her famed kirindi. As I grew older, I learnt this lesson the hardest way possible when I had one confrontation with the person I considered my best friend in front of audience of about 60 where I had my biggest secrets revealed quite callously, and there was my first lesson in the said kirindi. I bore my head high, determined not to cry the bitter tears that were arising in my gut, and went on to wow the same kirindi in a class debate. Funnily enough, my nanna’s voice seemed louder than all the loud congratulatory voices coming from every direction, and I knew that this kirindi was just seasonal, and any minute they could turn on me at the smallest excuse, and twist that knife in my back. I guess you could say I credit my nanna with the backbone I began to develop from that experience on, one of the few reasons that I am not now an alcoholic addicted to all sorts of hard substances, because of that keen awareness of the volatility of the kirindi. I know they convince you to do something then just as soon as any of it goes wrong, turn around and point an accusing finger. If we were all honest, we’ve all been part of a kirindi at one point in our lives or another. No? not you? Well, aren’t you lucky you were made so perfect, to never have offered an unsolicited piece of advise, nor said a nasty word behind someone’s back, nope, not even judged anyone in passing or wished anyone ill, my goodness, what on earth are you doing in a human body, by golly, you should have sublimed into an angel’s by now, seriously!!!! I know I am guilty of these things at least every once in a while, my tongue, despite my best efforts does have a mind of its own, and the day I learn to tame it, I know the earth will be mine, nut till then, am doing this one day at a time, conscious of my own experiences at the hand of the kirindi, and as a result, making every effort to slip up fewer times. Trying to pay the kirindi no heed when it turns on me, as I quietly grow into my own, every day a bit more comfortable in my skin, determined to make my own opinion louder in my own ears than that of the crowd. Making a choice every day I get up, to live my life according to my choices, and while I may listen ti criticism, and chew on it for a while, I want to sift through it and choose what I take before casting the rest to the wind and bettering myself. I want to correct others in privacy, with an aim not to embarrass them, but to build them. I want to be the best ciru I can be, the rest is details, cos there is nobody else’s life that I’ve got to live, not even Angel’s in spite of how much I love and adore her. She has to chart out her own life, I can only pass on, by action the bits of me I would like her to emulate, not hammer them in with words, which will fly out the other ear without making contact with the brain. I’m deciding today, to make every effort, to be the part of the kirindi that nurtures and heals, and holds the hands of those that need it most, instead of pointing a finger at them when they do enough of that themselves. So go on, do that thing you desire, with no thought to the crowd’s judgement, they go where the winds blow, but you live with you the rest of your life. Just learn to choose which voices you will attune your ears to, cos people will be people will be people, and being people, they will ALWAYS have something to say about everything on earth. J Bored you again, am still trying to shorten these but my fingers seem to have a mind of their own, tihihihihi!