looking into a warped mirror...

So the other day i had the most confronting shift i have ever had in my entire life. I was at the hospital, it was a simple one on one shift, and her name, well lets call her sita.(I know, my creativity is at an all time low as far as name granting is concerned, lol, so bear with me, k?). She was lying quietly on my shift, and rarely asked for my help(ok, so i lied and she asked a couple of times, alls I'm saying is that compared to some nightmares I work with, she was a bit of alright. It all began with my handover, where I was informed, in a rather matter-of-fact voice that i would be looking after.... myself. No dummy, not my doppelganger, or any such sci-fi ish, no. just myself as I would have been had i not been so blessed with the most incredible and amazing friends and family in the whole entire world ( yeah, even better than yours, mate, lol, even better than yours, :) kidding, but you get the idea, right?). See, Sita was on a detention order because she had jumped off a bridge but failed to die. Instead she managed to break her bones in several places and put herself in severe agony. Now, why am i referring to her as myself then? I hear you ask, well, give me your time and I'll tell you. you see, i know, and was able to look after her because I know, quite intimately, that darkness, that despair, those loud voices in her head, telling her to end it all, because i have been there. the biggest difference between us was simply that she has no friends, she doesnt speak to her siblings or even her parents who look after her two children and have done so for the last ten years, and to crown it all, her son hates her and refuses to speak to her at all.
I am so lucky that by the time i got home from that shift, i was literally bawling my eyes out with sheer gratitude. Gratitude for the absolute bestest friends anyone in the world could ever hope for, especially mems and you ron, for a family made in heaven, with heaps of chocolate and nuts (lol, dont ask!), who while we're all a little crazy sometimes, i would never ever trade any of them for Beyonce, Oprah or Angelina Jolie, with all their money and shit. Not even for a minute. mind you, i did not even pick a celebrity like Paris hilton who we shall not even get into, i picked the package deals, lol, and still they are of less value to me!!!!
The part of the shift where my tears had to be extremely held in check, was watching the three generations of them in play. her mum, her and her daughter, when her mum n daughter came to visit late in the evening. Her mother, when informed of her daughter's attempted suicide, had these motherly words of wisdom, and btw, i am quoting verbatim, just so you know, 'you bloody idiot! you couldn't even get that right? Go and finish the job if you like, I DONT CARE'. Her daughter's face is another story, as she hovers over her mother saying, 'mum, will you come and see me.....' 'mum, did I ever tell you the story of....' 'mum..' and such like stories, like her mum was still perfect in her eyes. And you wonder why i bawled like a baby!!!??? Argue with me when i say children are angels, I dare you to! they love UNCONDITIONALLY! Something we can learn to recapture, especially with regards to our closest and dearest!
I cried because I am grateful. i am grateful that i am loved, and that i loved, and because the reality of it all is that when all is said and done, it really could be so much worse, so so much worse!!!